Is Peaceful Co-Parenting Possible with a Narcissistic Ex?

 Posted on January 22, 2025 in Child Custody

You may have thought that dealing with your narcissistic ex during the divorce was about as bad as it could get – after your marriage, of course. However, if you have children, you are likely to be forced to deal with your narcissistic ex for a very long time.  During the child custody discussions, you may have gotten a good sense of what the future would look like. As many who have tried would tell you, it is virtually impossible to co-parent with a narcissist.

Despite everything you learned from living with your ex, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you consistently strive to be the "bigger person, and no matter how firm, how kind, or how flexible you are – it is simply not possible to have a peaceful co-parenting situation with a narcissist.  By its very definition, co-parenting means parenting together.

The vast majority of narcissists are unable to put their own child’s best interests ahead of their own, so co-parenting with a narcissist often resembles rowing a boat with one oar – while the other person in the boat is drilling a hole in the bottom. Regardless of how hard you paddle, you will continue to go in circles until the boat sinks.

While this may sound harsh, the reality is that co-parenting with a narcissist is going to be one of the hardest things you may ever do. The best you can do is to limit interactions with your ex and protect your children to the extent possible from a narcissistic parent. An experienced Fort Worth, TX family law attorney is your very best resource for dealing with a narcissistic co-parent.

What is a Narcissist?

A person who meets only five of the following criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder is likely a narcissist.

•  Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
• Fantasizes about unlimited beauty, brilliance, success, and/or power.
•  Lacks empathy for others.
•  Has a strong sense of entitlement.
• Craves excessive admiration.
•  Believes he or she is special or unique and craves the attention of high-status people.
•  Exploits others without a second thought, even those he or she claims to love.
•  Is envious of others and believes others are envious of him or her.
• Has an arrogant attitude.
• Controls, manipulates, and mentally abuses those close to him or her.

How Do You Co-Parent with Your Narcissistic Ex?

If you and your narcissistic ex had no children, you would have likely walked away after the divorce and never looked back. Unfortunately, for those who share children, this is rarely an option. Even if you feel that your children would be better off with no contact with their narcissistic parent, the court is unlikely to agree. So, what can you do? First, forget "peaceful" co-parenting. It simply will not happen. There are things you can do that can help, including:

• Only communicate via email or a parenting portal, preventing your ex from claiming he or she "didn’t get the message."
• Create your own boundaries, then strive to be reasonable and tactful with your ex – and nothing more.
• Expect your ex to break and bend court orders and make hash out of your parenting plan.
•  Keep detailed notes of every interaction with your ex, every time he or she fails to adhere to the parenting plan, and every single email, text, phone call, and message.
• Expect false allegations and false rumors about you. This is gaslighting at its finest, and your ex is likely a master of the game. Do your best to not react at all.
• As much as possible, just live your life. You cannot change a narcissistic personality – as you probably know, so do not bother trying. Surround yourself with honest, positive people.

Contact a Fort Worth, TX Child Custody Lawyer

Dealing with a narcissistic ex when you have children will never be anyone’s idea of fun. Stay focused on your children and speak to an experienced Fort Worth, TX child custody attorney from The Law Office of J. Kevin Clark P.C.. We have a special focus on divorcing narcissistic spouses. Call 817-348-6723 to schedule your free consultation.